"Twilight" is Fake

"Twilight" is a movie about vampires that do not kill other people, and a woman who wants to have sex.

Gosh, that was incredibly easy. FAKE.

"21" is Fake

21 is a movie about a girl named Jill Taylor (played by Kate Bosworth) who laments a tortured childhood where she was forced to grow up playing blackjack with her father every single day, so to get even with him, she spends her entire college career as a part of a gambling club where they try to blow the professor's money as quickly as possible.

Where to begin with this movie? It is fake on so many levels. First, is Kate Bosworth even a real person, or just a reincarnated Erika Eleniak? Second, has anyone even heard of blackjack before? I'm not sure it is even a real game. Third, if Jill Taylor is also Lois Lane, why would she even be remotely interested in a Ben Campbell (played by Jim Sturgess) when she can have Superman? SUPERMAN!?!? Nobody can compare to him - he's Super! Fourth, can you really see the Bellagio fountains from the Hard Rock penthouses? I'm not sure that is even possible - check for yourself.

One thing that is NOT fake about this movie though - Jill Taylor doesn't even care for Ben until he is rich. That is totally true. But so much about this movie is not real that I have to call it: FAKE.

"The Other Boleyn Girl" is Fake

"The Other Boleyn Girl" is a movie about a guy who marries his childhood sweetheart, only for her to leave him and run into the arms of the king after he proves to be a less-than-ideal, er, romanticist. He then seeks revenge upon the king, but his plot is foiled before he actually starts planning it out when he is sent to the front lines of battle, wherein he rises steadily through the ranks from Buck Private to Four-Star General, becomes somewhat famous for completely dominating and obliterating his opponents, conquers countless enemies and becomes a formidable and menacing presence of a man, all the while plotting to return to the kingdom and avenge his loss, only to find out by this time that the king has passed away some time ago and now his ex-wife's niece/adopted daughter has become the Queen, and his ex-wife married yet another guy, and his life has been for naught.

Well, pretty much the movie actually only shows the part up until when he gets sent away, but I think the rest of the story is pretty much implied and obvious.

Anyway, one could argue that this movie is a chick flick and therefore fake by definition. One could also argue that it is historical and therefore not fake by definition. However, upon examination of the portrayed life of the king, we can see that it is fake. In the movie it indicates that the king is frequently unfaithful to his wife and having affairs. Is this like any king you know? I mean, let's be serious. Think of all the kings you've been acquainted with in your life. How many of them were ever, EVER unfaithful to their spouse? Exactly. FAKE.

Tiny Tim Responds to Tad's Challenge

I got several e-mails from Tiny Tim. In order:

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Hi.

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Dear moviesarefake,

That makes ten e-mails I sent to you. Tell that [nice old chap] Tad to [be aware that I am up to the challenge.] And by the way, if you call me "Tiny" Tim again, I'm going to hunt you down [a nice grain-fed antelope, which you will find to be most delicious,] and gut you[r antelope for you,] like a pig [, free of charge. And your blog is awesome.]

Sincerely,
["Tiny"] Tim Timson

Well, Tad, it looks like you've got yourself a challenge. So far, Tiny Tim is leading by a long shot. Are you really going to let someone named "Tiny" defeat you in your quest for fame, popularity, and an abundance of babes? What would he do with an abundance of babes? Exactly. He's too tiny. So let's see what you've got, buster!

More Correspondence From Tad

Tad writes:

Dear moviesarefake:
I have a question: [sorry, that is fake. I don't really have a question. I just want to have you publish more correspondence from me than from that Tiny Tim bozo. Bottom line is, I seek fame, popularity, and an abundance of babes, and being the most featured correspondent on your website seems the most logical and likely way for me to obtain my goal. Your website rules!]

-Tad

Interesting approach, Tad. Very straightforward. So you seek fame, popularity, and an abundance of babes by being the most featured correspondent on my website. I can completely understand your plan. We'll have to see if Tiny Tim has anything to say about it.

"The Dark Knight" is Fake

The Dark Knight tells the story of Rachel Dawes (played by Maggie Gyllenhaal), a lying, two-timing tease who delights in tormenting Bruce Wayne and Harvey Dent with her sexual flirtations, only to deny them time and time again any chance of forming a serious relationship with her. As a result, Wayne and Dent eventually have her killed.

Aside from the fakeness/realness question on everyone's minds, I have just two words to say about this movie: Absolutebestsuperheromovieinvolvingacapedninjalikeuberbillionaireplayboymoonlightingasacrimefighter. Evar.

This movie was sooooooooo close! Soooo close to being real, I could literally taste it (popcorn and 7-up btw). Unfortunately, the movie people made it fake when they misspelled the title. Uh, hello people! That period of time when the sun is not shining is called "night," not "knight." Too bad, but that makes this movie FAKE.

"Aladdin" is Fake

"Aladdin" is a film about a young monkey, named Abu, who is the pet of a young man named Aladdin. And all Abu wants is to be free and not have to live stuffed inside an oil lamp anymore.

Many parts of Aladdin are real. For example, Princess Jasmine wants nothing to do with Aladdin at all until he shows up in his ultra-sweet ride, the flying carpet. Suddenly Jasmine is all hot and bothered and sneaks out of the house to ride in Aladdin's vehicle. This, we all know, is real. Chicks dig guys with hot cars; this has been proven by science.

What is fake about this movie is the Cave of Wonders. If you were an all-powerful sand dune, don't you think you would put some girls in there? Yeah, that's what I thought also. FAKE.